The Evil Asterisk
I’m pretty sure most of you know the evil asterisk. And just incase you’re not familiar with him, here’s a quick introduction. The evil asterisk is the conniving, thieving, twig party- looking symbol that saps the fun right out of life. Picture this. You are driving down a street, and you spot one of the glossiest billboards with your favorite brand’s advertisement splashed across it in shiny colours. The only thing that makes this moment even better, is the word SALE in big, bold, caps letters superimposed on top of the model. By now, you are mentally picturing yourself with large shopping bags that are bursting at the seams with all your indulgent purchases But kaput, your dream is intruded, and by an evil asterisk at that! A small, intentionally inconspicuous asterisk, that’s carefully placed next to the sale signage. ‘Conditions Apply’ says a corresponding evil twin asterisk at the bottom of the hoarding.
This evil asterisk, has many manifestations, across different walks of our life. Sometimes people tell you that you will lose those stubborn10 kgs in just, hold your breath, 10 days. Promptly thereafter though, they place the infamous asterisk right next to their claim. Sometimes, banks urge you to take a loan - a house loan, a car loan, a i-want-to-eat-waffles-for-breakfast loan. Zero interest they say, flexible repayment schemes they say, right before placing the little thief next to their statement. Sometimes, the evil thing is so tiny, that you miss it. You take off from work early, stand in line for the offer that you’ve been eyeing all along, you know, the one with the promise of a free colour printer. Right at the payments counter, you are faithfully greeted by the evil asterisk. “You will get your printer in two months time ma’am and it is subject to availability. See, our fine print says so.” There goes.
Your grocery store, your watch store, your gym, some time even your dentist - Two root canals at the painful price of one. Everybody uses the evil asterisk. To make a tall claim that makes you salivate, only to put a tiny asterisk shaped spanner in the works, and bring your inflated hopes crashing down.
We’d wish it stopped. We’d wish that brands got honest and said it like it is. “This house costs this much, your interest is this much, or the 50% off is on woolen sweaters only this summer.” Candor would be much appreciated, fine print should just be regular-sized print, and the asterisk should just crumple up and die.